How to support someone experiencing pregnancy loss.

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. In my practice, clients who have experienced this type of loss often state that their loss feels invisible. Yet it is real grief, complete with real, heartbreaking emotional states. Most often, it’s our society’s response that exacerbates the sentiment of invisibility.

Pregnancy loss is considered something called “disenfranchised grief”. Disenfranchised grief is grief that is not considered socially acceptable, or openly acknowledged. Generally, our society feels uncomfortable around the topic of death, but this multiplies when we are talking about the loss of a pregnancy.

So, how can we work towards changing this? How can we acknowledge the very real emotions and experience one has with this?

Here are some ways that have shown to be helpful:

• Checking in regularly

• Send over a meal

• Offer to drive them to any appointments

• Offer to provide care for any other children

• Avoid platitudes such as “at least you know you can get pregnant” or “everything happens for a reason”

• Check in with their partner

• Respect their boundaries

• Remember important dates and check in

• Ask them how they are doing if or when they become pregnant again

• Use the name they had chosen if this is how they also refer to the loss (follow their lead, but also- don’t be afraid to ask them what feels supportive!)

Pregnancy loss is not an easy experience to go through. It is much more common than we think it might be, however, it’s not a path that needs to be walked alone.